I'm a proponent of manners. Please, thank you, gracias, excuse me, etc. I've taught my children these pleasantries, they use them, sometimes. But there is one place that it just tweeks my nerves to have someone try and give my child a lesson in manners. And yet, it has happened on multiple occasions, in fact this is the 3rd. Whenever I decide to go to Costco with my two-in-tow on some weekday evening.
I only go to Costco every month & a half or so. Chances are, the cart will be packed with large items like diapers, TP, etc things that take up the whole cart. The cart ends up weighing two tons and the whole experience counts as a workout. We stick to our list but that doesn't mean I am not accosted by, "Can we get these?", every two seconds.
So we usually make it through the checkout intact, take a 15 min bathroom break, and since it is 7ish at night we hit up the cafe for pizza. Last night my patience was peaking, and I almost lost it in line while simultaneously trying to steer & maneuver the laden down cart. Keep my receipt out, keep the 2 year old from screaming to get out of the cart to see the motorcycle on display, and order & pay for the food. So when I call for the 6 year old to help me carry the plates? He is over at the napkin dispenser putting on a slow motion comedy show by flinging out the napkins and waving them around in some sort of silly dance. With a line behind us, I call him back from his "worlds-a-stage" distraction and get us to a table.
The pizza & pop post pooped-a-loop shopping workout is well timed. Convo's include cheese elevators, school, running shoes and we laugh & smile. Though somehow while trying to convince the 2 year old to eat two bites, I didn't think to prep their etiquette for the Costco exit. We finish. The 2 year old needs another diaper change and is adamant that it happen immediately. There is no way I'm going back to the bathroom. We will do it all in the car. Diaper, load the kids, load the cart, in the wind. I've got on my combat boots for a reason and we are off.
In order to leave Costco you must stop at the exit, have an employee check your receipt and check your cart. So my sweet 6 year old, who really has been a trooper on this excursion, asks the man kindly, "Can I have a smiley face?"
And the man says, "How should you ask?". Without missing a beat my boy answers "pretty please." And we get our smiley face. Zayne is too busy studying the smiley, to say thank you, so I wince one out for him. But really, I'm grumped out.
Those interactions just leave a mother feeling like we've failed in the manners department. As if I need to address the apathy of the thank you, when that is the last thing me or my child needs! It's 7:30 at night, and both my kids are not screaming. They trooped through this trip. We kept it together, but we are minutes away from the breaking. I just spent $200 at the store where this man works, so that he can get paid to highlight my receipt. It's not like my son even demanded it, as in "Give me a smiley face!" He asked, sweetly. We treat workers with respect. So call me rude & callous but at the end of the day Mr. Manners, PLEASE return the favor, and show us a little respect, and don't make a mom & her babies grovel for a smiley face :-) Gracias.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Reason #Ir = 1 − sin(θ)mychemist
I'm doing my daily grind, gathering laundry from the floor. And stumble across gems like this. I'm not even alarmed, he just finished teaching Boy Scout Merit Badge Training on Nuclear Science. I'm sure it's just packaging that lost its way in disposal, it just makes me burst out laughing, and scoop it up like a stray fortune from Chinese take-out.
My hashtag can also can be read: Reason# I ♥ mychemist. I thought I was clever. (See the link below for an explanation as to why the equation is synonomous with the heart symbol. He may even love me more for telling him that since I use the heart so infrequently, it's easier to just copy & paste the cardioid. Which is the reason I stumbled upon this equation in the first place, a google search. Shared amusement at each others silly ways...Reason# Ir = 1 − sin(θ)mychemist.
r = 1 − sin(θ) is a way to graph a ♥
My hashtag can also can be read: Reason# I ♥ mychemist. I thought I was clever. (See the link below for an explanation as to why the equation is synonomous with the heart symbol. He may even love me more for telling him that since I use the heart so infrequently, it's easier to just copy & paste the cardioid. Which is the reason I stumbled upon this equation in the first place, a google search. Shared amusement at each others silly ways...Reason# Ir = 1 − sin(θ)mychemist.
r = 1 − sin(θ) is a way to graph a ♥
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| Fyi: this was for a legit, authorized training |
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monkey See, Monkey Do
Zayne is a fabulous big brother. This is how he would tell it in his "own words" (read phonetically not literally.)
We are still working on helping him recognize the concept of lead-by-example as a big brother. Aren't we all? As parents it is easy to see the "monkey see, monkey do" play-out in your children, but then completely miss or discount what messages our own actions are sending to them or others. Though often, we may know what our weaknesses are, and it may be all we can do to show our children that we own them & are working on them. Facing the obstacles & challenges requires a plan of attack. Acknowledgement, followed by awareness, planning, action, and endurance. Remember with most behavior modification pursuits, as we climb the ladder we may do some sliding down too. Ultimately, the destination determines the outcome.
Really, I just took these pictures of my fun, happy boys playing in the backyard on the trampoline and drew out the life implications after-the-fact. You can choose to see the literal, or reflect on your own "lead-by-example" behaviors. Either way, "just keep on, keepin on" (thank you Joe Dirt.)
I just hope my ultimate outcome includes that fabulous, and contagiously sweet smile of my Zayne. (see last photo)
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| "My brother is awesome." Zayne, age 6, sign on their bedroom door |
We are still working on helping him recognize the concept of lead-by-example as a big brother. Aren't we all? As parents it is easy to see the "monkey see, monkey do" play-out in your children, but then completely miss or discount what messages our own actions are sending to them or others. Though often, we may know what our weaknesses are, and it may be all we can do to show our children that we own them & are working on them. Facing the obstacles & challenges requires a plan of attack. Acknowledgement, followed by awareness, planning, action, and endurance. Remember with most behavior modification pursuits, as we climb the ladder we may do some sliding down too. Ultimately, the destination determines the outcome.
Really, I just took these pictures of my fun, happy boys playing in the backyard on the trampoline and drew out the life implications after-the-fact. You can choose to see the literal, or reflect on your own "lead-by-example" behaviors. Either way, "just keep on, keepin on" (thank you Joe Dirt.)
I just hope my ultimate outcome includes that fabulous, and contagiously sweet smile of my Zayne. (see last photo)
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
It Takes a Village...More or Less?
It takes a village to raise a child…more or less?
My inquiry into this long-held expression of community was sparked by two separate instances this past week. One which IMO highlighted a need for “more” responsive measures as the family demonstrated an obvious need for community involvement & intervention. The other being an example of some by-standing “do-gooder” overreacting to an extent that I would advocate a bit more lenient and “less” approach to his so-called concern. I’ll expound.
The first was a personal experience related by a mom at the playground. I had no way of substantiating her account, as we were perfect strangers, but for case-in-point purposes, let us take it at face value. The occurrence began with a typical morning pre-school drop off. Her 6-year-old attends the preschool that is operated by the church her family attends. It had been a difficult night, her 9-month-old had been up hour-after-hour in teething hell. She had carried him around on her hip that morning to appease his crying, as she simultaneously helped her 6-year-old get ready for school. She held onto a distant hope that he would settle down for a morning nap after the school drop-off. It was only as they pulled into the parking lot that she realized that nestled, and securely fastened in his car seat, he had fallen asleep. It was a windy morning. Texas winds can be brutal. It would have resulted in the end of slumber and likely screams. So she risk analyzed, and in her sleep deprived state, opted for a “keep the car running, lock the doors, let the baby sleep, and run the pre-schooler inside for a speedy drop off”. It is against the law to leave a child unattended inside a car. Though I must say, unattended is a bit subjective amidst a bustling parking lot full of parents & children of fellow church goers. Apparently one father did not agree, and saw this as a call-to-arms. But instead of being overwrought with concern and waiting by the car for the 3 min it took her to run in and out, and confronting her with his obvious concern at her neglect. He did none of that. He did not keep watch, he did not alert her of her erroneous parenting judgement call. This fellow church goer drove away, and called the cops as he left this sleeping infant alone in a warm vehicle. The complaint was filed, she was notified and there was a lovely follow-up investigation, it was a whirlwind of phone calls and paperwork. Her complaint against him? His motive. I have to admit it seems suspect, especially as it is half way through the school year, at this point in the year, most parents in a pre-k know each other by name and definitely by face. It seems plausible that that his “it takes a village” mentality would’ve been a bit more effective had he approached this with a little “less vigilante mentality” and a little “more” compassion.
The second was a news story originating from my hometown realm of Kalamazoo, Michigan. The synopsis was that the parents left their three children alone, unattended in an apartment. The children being 3-year old twins and a 1-year old. Incidentally the apartment caught on fire, and all three children were killed. The likelihood that this was an isolated incident is nil to none. They were plausibly left alone on many other occasions that did not result in such a tragic outcome. The news stories highlighted that once the fire was apparent to neighboring tenants they realized the children were trapped. The mother apparently even made an appearance in a foiled-by-flames rescue attempt. Which to me, highlights the probability that she was in the apartment complex, though not outside the door, or even next door. In-the-vicinity, as in outside the residence in a multi-unit housing structure does not dictate an appropriate watch-care technique when related to young children, especially three. It’s a sickening, and saddening tragedy. Could neighbors, friends, or family have known that these babies were being left unattended? I have no way of judging this in terms of past behaviors as an outside observer. But is it likely someone, somewhere noticed a discrepancy on some level. It is likely though, as the neighbors concluded there where children alone and trapped once the fire was underway and discovered. It’s a classic and heart wrenching example of ‘too little, too late”. The price for this “less” approach was the death of three very young children. In this case “more” could’ve saved lives.
These are two examples on polar ends of a spectrum. So where is the middle ground? Where do you make your own dutiful judgement calls? I’d say look at your motive. Is it to help? Is it selfish? Are you trying to appease your own conscience instead of actually helping & encouraging others to implement measures of child safety? Are you attempting to appease some deficiency in your own parenting by seeing the faults in others? Or, are you turning a blind eye? Avoiding the abuse or neglect that is real, but you’d rather not see?
Sometimes you only have a moment to decide. I’m neither condoning nor condemning with the personal experience I will end this inquiry with, only conveying a response I made in a moments time:
It was a Saturday morning at my local Hobby Lobby. I had gone solo to get some painting supplies. As I was deliberating colors, my blissful oasis was threatened by a callous male voice of impatience and indifference yelling at what I assumed were his children. It didn’t stop. So wandered to the next aisle to gauge the situation. There was a father with his two young sons, about the age of my boys. They were trailing and of course the 2 year old was meandering and the curiosity of the store was beckoning him away from the barking commands. “Go get your brother…if you two don’t get back here…” I don’t recall the full beratement. I just remember my physical response. Sympathy, sadness, a sickening realization that if this was the public display, I couldn’t imagine the behind closed doors version. But, the father said no outright threats, nor did he physically touch either boy, even in a parental attempt to restrain the youngest. But the cacophony of yelling did not cease. The older of the two looked frustrated, and fearful. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to hug the boys for dear life and protect them, but it wasn’t appropriate. So I just acted. With a bit of understanding humor I approached the father and said, “I have two boys about their age, they can be a bit of a handful in the store”, flashed my smile. I continued, “I’ve learned some tricks along the way, that helps me and them. Here, let me show you.” I didn’t wait for a response, he was still speechless for the first time since entering the store. I quickly retrieved a shopping cart and said, “they are sweet, but the little ones get too distracted unless they are in a cart. Your older boy will likely stick with you if his brother is restrained. It takes a minute to get settled, but the whole shopping experience can be less frustrating for all of you. Good luck. ” I flashed the older boy a smile, and he gave me a shy smile, with eyes of bewildered wonder. His father was still silent, but gave me a quick nod, as I pretty much fled. What else could I do? I didn’t feel like it was enough, and it broke my heart to walk away. But with the circumstances being what they were, it was my judgement call. More or less, I hope it was a help.
My inquiry into this long-held expression of community was sparked by two separate instances this past week. One which IMO highlighted a need for “more” responsive measures as the family demonstrated an obvious need for community involvement & intervention. The other being an example of some by-standing “do-gooder” overreacting to an extent that I would advocate a bit more lenient and “less” approach to his so-called concern. I’ll expound.
The first was a personal experience related by a mom at the playground. I had no way of substantiating her account, as we were perfect strangers, but for case-in-point purposes, let us take it at face value. The occurrence began with a typical morning pre-school drop off. Her 6-year-old attends the preschool that is operated by the church her family attends. It had been a difficult night, her 9-month-old had been up hour-after-hour in teething hell. She had carried him around on her hip that morning to appease his crying, as she simultaneously helped her 6-year-old get ready for school. She held onto a distant hope that he would settle down for a morning nap after the school drop-off. It was only as they pulled into the parking lot that she realized that nestled, and securely fastened in his car seat, he had fallen asleep. It was a windy morning. Texas winds can be brutal. It would have resulted in the end of slumber and likely screams. So she risk analyzed, and in her sleep deprived state, opted for a “keep the car running, lock the doors, let the baby sleep, and run the pre-schooler inside for a speedy drop off”. It is against the law to leave a child unattended inside a car. Though I must say, unattended is a bit subjective amidst a bustling parking lot full of parents & children of fellow church goers. Apparently one father did not agree, and saw this as a call-to-arms. But instead of being overwrought with concern and waiting by the car for the 3 min it took her to run in and out, and confronting her with his obvious concern at her neglect. He did none of that. He did not keep watch, he did not alert her of her erroneous parenting judgement call. This fellow church goer drove away, and called the cops as he left this sleeping infant alone in a warm vehicle. The complaint was filed, she was notified and there was a lovely follow-up investigation, it was a whirlwind of phone calls and paperwork. Her complaint against him? His motive. I have to admit it seems suspect, especially as it is half way through the school year, at this point in the year, most parents in a pre-k know each other by name and definitely by face. It seems plausible that that his “it takes a village” mentality would’ve been a bit more effective had he approached this with a little “less vigilante mentality” and a little “more” compassion.
The second was a news story originating from my hometown realm of Kalamazoo, Michigan. The synopsis was that the parents left their three children alone, unattended in an apartment. The children being 3-year old twins and a 1-year old. Incidentally the apartment caught on fire, and all three children were killed. The likelihood that this was an isolated incident is nil to none. They were plausibly left alone on many other occasions that did not result in such a tragic outcome. The news stories highlighted that once the fire was apparent to neighboring tenants they realized the children were trapped. The mother apparently even made an appearance in a foiled-by-flames rescue attempt. Which to me, highlights the probability that she was in the apartment complex, though not outside the door, or even next door. In-the-vicinity, as in outside the residence in a multi-unit housing structure does not dictate an appropriate watch-care technique when related to young children, especially three. It’s a sickening, and saddening tragedy. Could neighbors, friends, or family have known that these babies were being left unattended? I have no way of judging this in terms of past behaviors as an outside observer. But is it likely someone, somewhere noticed a discrepancy on some level. It is likely though, as the neighbors concluded there where children alone and trapped once the fire was underway and discovered. It’s a classic and heart wrenching example of ‘too little, too late”. The price for this “less” approach was the death of three very young children. In this case “more” could’ve saved lives.
These are two examples on polar ends of a spectrum. So where is the middle ground? Where do you make your own dutiful judgement calls? I’d say look at your motive. Is it to help? Is it selfish? Are you trying to appease your own conscience instead of actually helping & encouraging others to implement measures of child safety? Are you attempting to appease some deficiency in your own parenting by seeing the faults in others? Or, are you turning a blind eye? Avoiding the abuse or neglect that is real, but you’d rather not see?
Sometimes you only have a moment to decide. I’m neither condoning nor condemning with the personal experience I will end this inquiry with, only conveying a response I made in a moments time:
It was a Saturday morning at my local Hobby Lobby. I had gone solo to get some painting supplies. As I was deliberating colors, my blissful oasis was threatened by a callous male voice of impatience and indifference yelling at what I assumed were his children. It didn’t stop. So wandered to the next aisle to gauge the situation. There was a father with his two young sons, about the age of my boys. They were trailing and of course the 2 year old was meandering and the curiosity of the store was beckoning him away from the barking commands. “Go get your brother…if you two don’t get back here…” I don’t recall the full beratement. I just remember my physical response. Sympathy, sadness, a sickening realization that if this was the public display, I couldn’t imagine the behind closed doors version. But, the father said no outright threats, nor did he physically touch either boy, even in a parental attempt to restrain the youngest. But the cacophony of yelling did not cease. The older of the two looked frustrated, and fearful. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to hug the boys for dear life and protect them, but it wasn’t appropriate. So I just acted. With a bit of understanding humor I approached the father and said, “I have two boys about their age, they can be a bit of a handful in the store”, flashed my smile. I continued, “I’ve learned some tricks along the way, that helps me and them. Here, let me show you.” I didn’t wait for a response, he was still speechless for the first time since entering the store. I quickly retrieved a shopping cart and said, “they are sweet, but the little ones get too distracted unless they are in a cart. Your older boy will likely stick with you if his brother is restrained. It takes a minute to get settled, but the whole shopping experience can be less frustrating for all of you. Good luck. ” I flashed the older boy a smile, and he gave me a shy smile, with eyes of bewildered wonder. His father was still silent, but gave me a quick nod, as I pretty much fled. What else could I do? I didn’t feel like it was enough, and it broke my heart to walk away. But with the circumstances being what they were, it was my judgement call. More or less, I hope it was a help.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Fantastik Fail
I'm not a staunch brand loyalty consumer. I experiment, and switch brands. Especially if the price is right. But when I deviate, and the new-guy's reliability tanks or disappoints? I quickly atone for my infidelity, and return to the tried & true. One household product that has gained what I'd consider a sort of allegiance in my book, is the household cleaner, Fantastik. Effective and efficient, and unlike so many on the market, it was spot on it's definition as a household cleaner, and can actually be carried around the house. 16 years in fact, (ouch that hurt my pride to admit) I've come back to Fantastik. Time after time, which is likely the reason I'm so grumped out. The simplicity was key, one product, decently priced, and grab-n-go. This was where they failed me. 16 years I've grabbed that bottle off the shelf, sure inevitably some of the package labeling had changed, but the formulation remained consistent. Until at the end of January my local Walmart apparently pulled "the one" Fantastik, and replaced it with a "new-improved" rendition. Thank you for ruining my bathroom cleaning day last week SC Johnson. My boys are included in this Tuesday-chore-day task, they have their own scrubbing duties...well the 6 year old does the sinks. My 2 year old "helps" wherever we can redirect him. And yes, I'll admit there are several "shoulda coulda woulda's" in this destruction. I shoulda scoured the labeling, after-the-fact inspection revealed the words "Bleach" written right on the front, but remember, I was likely shopping with two-in-tow and have just grabbed this product off the shelf sans "Bleach" for 16 years. And yes, research has revealed that "the one" is still available. But not at my local Walmart. So SC Johnson, the way I see it? You owe me a new bathmat, and two new boys shirts.. And just to prove my point that my grab-n-go mistake wasn't entirely my fault I've included product picture comparisons of "the one" & the "new improved". This new merger with "Scrubbing Bubbles"? Fantastik fail.
P.S. Household cleaners that include Bleach do NOT work in households that have their children assist with the chores.
P.S. Household cleaners that include Bleach do NOT work in households that have their children assist with the chores.
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| Fantastik "The One" |
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| Fantastik "With Bleach" |
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