Monkey See, Monkey Do

Zayne is a fabulous big brother. This is how he would tell it in his "own words" (read phonetically not literally.) 

"My brother is awesome." Zayne, age 6, sign on their bedroom door

We are still working on helping him recognize the concept of lead-by-example as a big brother. Aren't we all? As parents it is easy to see the "monkey see, monkey do" play-out in your children, but then completely miss or discount what messages our own actions are sending to them or others. Though often, we may know what our weaknesses are, and it may be all we can do to show our children that we own them & are working on them. Facing the obstacles & challenges requires a plan of attack. Acknowledgement, followed by awareness, planning, action, and endurance. Remember with most behavior modification pursuits, as we climb the ladder we may do some sliding down too. Ultimately, the destination determines the outcome.

Really, I just took these pictures of my fun, happy boys playing in the backyard on the trampoline and drew out the life implications after-the-fact. You can choose to see the literal, or reflect on your own "lead-by-example" behaviors. Either way, "just keep on, keepin on" (thank you Joe Dirt.)

I just hope my ultimate outcome includes that fabulous, and contagiously sweet smile of my Zayne. (see last photo)

It Takes a Village...More or Less?

It takes a village to raise a child…more or less?

My inquiry into this long-held expression of community was sparked by two separate instances this past week. One which IMO highlighted a need for “more” responsive measures as the family demonstrated an obvious need for community involvement & intervention. The other being an example of some by-standing “do-gooder” overreacting to an extent that I would advocate a bit more lenient and “less” approach to his so-called concern. I’ll expound.

The first was a personal experience related by a mom at the playground. I had no way of substantiating her account, as we were perfect strangers, but for case-in-point purposes, let us take it at face value. The occurrence began with a typical morning pre-school drop off. Her 6-year-old attends the preschool that is operated by the church her family attends. It had been a difficult night, her 9-month-old had been up hour-after-hour in teething hell. She had carried him around on her hip that morning to appease his crying, as she simultaneously helped her 6-year-old get ready for school. She held onto a distant hope that he would settle down for a morning nap after the school drop-off. It was only as they pulled into the parking lot that she realized that nestled, and securely fastened in his car seat, he had fallen asleep. It was a windy morning. Texas winds can be brutal. It would have resulted in the end of slumber and likely screams. So she risk analyzed, and in her sleep deprived state, opted for a “keep the car running, lock the doors, let the baby sleep, and run the pre-schooler inside for a speedy drop off”. It is against the law to leave a child unattended inside a car. Though I must say, unattended is a bit subjective amidst a bustling parking lot full of parents & children of fellow church goers. Apparently one father did not agree, and saw this as a call-to-arms. But instead of being overwrought with concern and waiting by the car for the 3 min it took her to run in and out, and confronting her with his obvious concern at her neglect. He did none of that. He did not keep watch, he did not alert her of her erroneous parenting judgement call. This fellow church goer drove away, and called the cops as he left this sleeping infant alone in a warm vehicle. The complaint was filed, she was notified and there was a lovely follow-up investigation, it was a whirlwind of phone calls and paperwork. Her complaint against him? His motive. I have to admit it seems suspect, especially as it is half way through the school year, at this point in the year, most parents in a pre-k know each other by name and definitely by face. It seems plausible that that his “it takes a village” mentality would’ve been a bit more effective had he approached this with a little  “less vigilante mentality” and a little “more” compassion.

The second was a news story originating from my hometown realm of Kalamazoo, Michigan.  The synopsis was that the parents left their three children alone, unattended in an apartment. The children being 3-year old twins and a 1-year old. Incidentally the apartment caught on fire, and all three children were killed. The likelihood that this was an isolated incident is nil to none. They were plausibly left alone on many other occasions that did not result in such a tragic outcome. The news stories highlighted that once the fire was apparent to neighboring tenants they realized the children were trapped. The mother apparently even made an appearance in a foiled-by-flames rescue attempt. Which to me, highlights the probability that she was in the apartment complex, though not outside the door, or even next door. In-the-vicinity, as in outside the residence in a multi-unit housing structure does not dictate an appropriate watch-care technique when related to young children, especially three. It’s a sickening, and saddening tragedy. Could neighbors, friends, or family have known that these babies were being left unattended? I have no way of judging this in terms of past behaviors as an outside observer. But is it likely someone, somewhere noticed a discrepancy on some level. It is likely though, as the neighbors concluded there where children alone and trapped once the fire was underway and discovered. It’s a classic and heart wrenching example of ‘too little, too late”. The price for this “less” approach was the death of three very young children.  In this case “more” could’ve saved lives.

These are two examples on polar ends of a spectrum. So where is the middle ground? Where do you make your own dutiful judgement calls? I’d say look at your motive. Is it to help? Is it selfish? Are you trying to appease your own conscience instead of actually helping & encouraging others to implement measures of child safety? Are you attempting to appease some deficiency in your own parenting by seeing the faults in others?  Or, are you turning a blind eye? Avoiding the abuse or neglect that is real, but you’d rather not see?

Sometimes you only have a moment to decide. I’m neither condoning nor condemning with the personal experience I will end this inquiry with, only conveying a response I made in a moments time:

It was a Saturday morning at my local Hobby Lobby. I had gone solo to get some painting supplies. As I was deliberating colors, my blissful oasis was threatened by a callous male voice of impatience and indifference yelling at what I assumed were his children. It didn’t stop. So wandered to the next aisle to gauge the situation. There was a father with his two young sons, about the age of my boys. They were trailing and of course the 2 year old was meandering and the curiosity of the store was beckoning him away from the barking commands. “Go get your brother…if you two don’t get back here…” I don’t recall the full beratement. I just remember my physical response. Sympathy, sadness, a sickening realization that if this was the public display, I couldn’t imagine the behind closed doors version. But, the father said no outright threats, nor did he physically touch either boy, even in a parental attempt to restrain the youngest. But the cacophony of yelling did not cease. The older of the two looked frustrated, and fearful. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to hug the boys for dear life and protect them, but it wasn’t appropriate. So I just acted. With a bit of understanding humor I approached the father and said, “I have two boys about their age, they can be a bit of a handful in the store”, flashed my smile. I continued, “I’ve learned some tricks along the way, that helps me and them. Here, let me show you.” I didn’t wait for a response, he was still speechless for the first time since entering the store. I quickly retrieved a shopping cart and said, “they are sweet, but the little ones get too distracted unless they are in a cart. Your older boy will likely stick with you if his brother is restrained. It takes a minute to get settled, but the whole shopping experience can be less frustrating for all of you. Good luck. ” I flashed the older boy a smile, and he gave me a shy smile, with eyes of bewildered wonder. His father was still silent, but gave me a quick nod, as I pretty much fled. What else could I do? I didn’t feel like it was enough, and it broke my heart to walk away.  But with the circumstances being what they were, it was my judgement call. More or less, I hope it was a help.

Fantastik Fail

I'm not a staunch brand loyalty consumer. I experiment, and switch brands. Especially if the price is right. But when I deviate, and the new-guy's reliability tanks or disappoints? I quickly atone for my infidelity, and return to the tried & true. One household product that has gained what I'd consider a sort of allegiance in my book, is the household cleaner, Fantastik. Effective and efficient, and unlike so many on the market, it was spot on it's definition as a household cleaner, and can actually be carried around the house.  16 years in fact, (ouch that hurt my pride to admit) I've come back to Fantastik. Time after time, which is likely the reason I'm so grumped out. The simplicity was key, one product, decently priced, and grab-n-go. This was where they failed me. 16 years I've grabbed that bottle off the shelf, sure inevitably some of the package labeling had changed, but the formulation remained consistent. Until at the end of January my local Walmart apparently pulled "the one" Fantastik, and replaced it with a "new-improved" rendition. Thank you for ruining my bathroom cleaning day last week SC Johnson. My boys are included in this Tuesday-chore-day task, they have their own scrubbing duties...well the 6 year old does the sinks. My 2 year old "helps" wherever we can redirect him. And yes, I'll admit there are several "shoulda coulda woulda's" in this destruction. I shoulda scoured the labeling, after-the-fact inspection revealed the words "Bleach" written right on the front, but remember, I was likely shopping with two-in-tow and have just grabbed this product off the shelf sans "Bleach" for 16 years. And yes, research has revealed that "the one" is still available. But not at my local Walmart. So SC Johnson, the way I see it? You owe me a new bathmat, and two new boys shirts.. And just to prove my point that my grab-n-go mistake wasn't entirely my fault I've included product picture comparisons of "the one" & the "new improved". This new merger with "Scrubbing Bubbles"? Fantastik fail.
P.S. Household cleaners that include Bleach do NOT work in households that have their children assist with the chores.

Fantastik "The One"

Fantastik "With Bleach"

"Bravo Mom. Bravo..."

Tuesday morning I did not want to get out of bed and get Zayne ready for school. Especially following a 3 1/2 day weekend from school. But I did it. I also consented to letting him buy lunch from school. It was a hectic morning. Definitely one of those "do we really have to jump back into this all so soon?" Pender was beyond defiant that I required him to wear a puffy winter coat for the school drop off. It's as if the mere 3 1/2 days had wiped his memory of any recollection of ever going through this routine before. But we did it. We got ourselves pulling down the driveway, tear subsided, by 7:47am. As I turned into the subdivision where we drop off Zayne for school, I didn't see the familiar bustle of families making the drop off. The Dad who bikes with his daughter to school and is already completed and homebound as we arrive. The Dad that has a real white-guy, urban thread to him that pays more for an apartment for the location but not necessarily the apartment amenities, but has deemed it worth it so his kids can attend this school district (No disrespect intended, it's just the most condensed way I could describe him). The Mom who drives a souped up black monstrosity of a truck, but sports the casual crunchy of a modern day hippie chic. They were all absent, as were all the other regulars, so I checked the time, 7:51am. As I pulled upon the school it was apparent that it was a student holiday. A quick check online confirmed my error. I apologized to my boys and turned the car back towards home, exclaiming that we get to have a play day. As we cruised towards our street I glanced back at the bundled up boys in the back. It was then that Zayne with a wide teasing smile proceeds to clap his gloved hands slowly and says "Bravo Mom, Bravo..." I burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, and felt lucky to have him with me for another day. 

We filled the day with board games, books, Disney's Pocahontas, and cookies. After dinner, I asked the boys if any of them would like to accompany me to Costco and Sprouts. No takers. I willingly obliged, and set off to a mothers blissful oasis of grocery shopping unattended. It was about 9:30 when I pulled my husband produce laden car out of the Sprouts parking space. It was about 1 minute later when the huge monstrosity of a Toyato Tundra that was waiting in front of me in the driveway exit decided to reverse into me instead of merging onto Southlake Blvd. Imagine my stunned aghast look,  as I had 1 second to process that this big roaring truck was suddenly crunching the front end of my hubby's new-ish car. This wasn't a diet coke spill, or a blood stain (my previous plotful infractions against his vehicle), this was actual mayhem. Horrified was my expression. I'll admit it took some restraint to exit the vehicle with the self promise to converse civilly and not bitchy. As the driver appeared, my inner humorist emerged. Here was this tall, blonde,  8-month pregnant, full make-up, Texas Momma mirroring the same horrified expression I had. At that moment I thought back to the car ride that morning and wanted to respond to her with the same comical approach that my Zayne had taught me that morning. "Bravo, Mom. Bravo." But the reference would have been lost on her . So I just conjured up my civility, and maybe a bit of compassion, because we all make mistakes that impact those around us. Maybe it's a bit self congratulatory, but as I lay in bed after enduring the hubby's inquisition and inspection, with what I would consider an apologetic grace, I thought, "Bravo, Mom. Bravo." 

MLK Day

Our MLK Day. My methods (educationally-wise) on this holiday from school for Zayne were unconventional and random. Our curriculum is sometimes a bit "fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants" on these days off. This also means we incorporate loose plans and probably no forethought to an actual academic approach to education. Morning item on the itinerary? Visiting the FWSM during the FWSSR. Fort Worth Science Museum during the Fort Worth Stock Show Rodeo. Plugging away with a giant Lite-Brites, driving a mini ambulance, laying on a bed of nails, and scaring the wits out of my 2 year old at a 3-D experience meets rows of tractors, cowboys, and trucks. Lots of heavy, gutteral, roaring trucks. We didn't even go onto the stock show grounds. This was just a teaser. We will likely make our way back for a more thorough exploration this weekend. 

I'll just condense the whole way home to one sentence. Basically a $6 trip to McDonalds resulted in at least 30 minutes of unhappiness for 3 people. You do the math. It basically equals letting the kids grumble from hunger until we got home would have resulted in the same outcome and so I should have just pocketed the $6.

Home, naptime, and quick FB check later and I have a somewhat relevant lesson plan for MLK Day. As Zayne plays with an online Martin Luther King Jr coloring page 
MLK Coloring Page, I told him a quick bio with surprisingly accurate quotations from the "I Have a Dream" speech. (I fact checked afterwards so as not to lose the 6 year olds attention ;)

It didn't take long for us to digress...in all fairness a quick shift to pop culture icons is not always a digression. I guess it depends where it takes us and where we end up at that determines whether it was a digression or an educational ascension.  I'll let you be the judge...
We detoured through coloring pages and Mom narrated bio's of  Bill Cosby, Rosa Parks, President Barrack Obama, and Michael Jackson. It was then that I realized my son had likely never seen Michael Jackson moon-walk. Well that just wouldn't do. Ending our MLK day educational exploration in ta-da, another "youtube moment" MJ Moonwalk